Grad School Woes

I started this blog because I was just over writing so many long essay projects for school. I wanted space where I can rumble on and also procrastinate productively without feeling bad about it. But graduate school required every brain cell necessary and with the first semester ending last week. I am back again from my hiatus and ready to write about a few things that I am sure we are all thinking about like 2020 being gross; the best depiction of 2020 was from the dating app commercial of being the devil’s perfect match to date. Like everybody else experiencing the effects of the COVID pandemic, I began my first semester of graduate school online in a small cohort of classmates.

I am 1 of 3 people of color in that class which is more than I expected living in the Midwest. It was much harder than anticipated because we were expected to rely on each other for support. And I don’t trust people easily. I was ready to “Game of Thrones” grad school, pull a Sansa and become the Queen of Marriage Family Therapy in my cohort.

At the same time the work required of me to have a sustainable life working full time and in school part time is really hard. I have had a lot of adjustment and I think about whether it’s better for me to try to win the lottery or become an Instagram baddie because boyyy the next four years will be hard.

I have even asked myself why I couldn’t be entrepreneurial enough to get secondary income like rip off other artists and pay off my loans. BUT I remember my moral code wouldn’t rid me of the guilt, so I chose to start grad school and I need to get through it. My goal with graduate school is to establish myself in a career that could last me at least 30 years and provide me with a skill set that doesn’t lose its value when I am older. Once I am comfortable in my profession, I am hoping to own my own business or establish myself in a senior position in an institution supervising others. An ambitious yet attainable goal and learned that many others are also fighting for the same dream I have in my program. Everyone wants to be successful and happy, so I need to stand out without losing my integrity. Because unlike undergrad, in graduate school you are surrounded by others who are similar to you; everyone is empathetic, easily shares their emotions and divulges their personal experiences. We also read into each other’s words when we need to sometimes just listen, and we are oddly too nice to each other. An outsider would feel uncomfortable, I feel uncomfortable oddly doing the thing that my clients would have to do; share emotions and divulge personal experiences to a stranger. It’s a consistent self-talk telling myself that sharing experiences to a white middle class is a step towards being a LMFT and getting paid listening to others. So, I am going to hate some of my classes to the core (Statistics) and love others as they help me become a better therapist.

I decided that to make my next five years more sustainable, I listed several tasks to complete in the next five years:

  1. Mend a few relationships so that I don’t complete the program with their baggage holding me back. How am I going to encourage my clients to be brave when I can’t face my own pain right.
  2. Get my own therapist.
  3. NETWORK, NETWORK, NETWORK, because I know I’ll need help getting through it.
  4. Get a decent GPA and be ready to apply for scholarships and fellowships. Because this school ish ain’t cheap.

These are all school related so how do I have fun too; watch TV, make that dessert, learn that new skill (I learned you practice singing AND get better at it) and write for this wonderful blog.

I want to hear about your 2020 year too, what has or hasn’t happened for you? How do you feel about the upcoming year?

Thank you for reading, please stay hydrated and sleep.

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