It’s been a long haul of winter holidays where I felt like I was pretending to enjoy the holiday or overcompensate it by overindulging in presents, holiday music and decorations. But now as a fully self aware millennial, I understand the meaning “share the holidays with the ones you love”. Because yes, family is important but they don’t exude the love and joy I have experienced. Instead I learned that I have spent the holidays with the family for them to feel joy and happiness. Not for me, but for the happiness of others and you know what? FUCK THAT. As the brat I’ll be in this blog post I ask why should put the happiness of others first before my own. Especially when my wants haven’t been met halfway. Why do I carter to others when they don’t carter to me either to satisfy my happiness.
And I’ve had better holidays, usually outside the family and I understood that home is not a place of joy and laughter for me, it’s a place where I am not myself, instead I am my parents. A reminder of dependence, disappointments and dissatisfaction. A space that drains my energy not ignite it.
So this holiday, like another before, I’ll be half smiling, half present and plotting that to find my own way to have that holiday spirit, instead of counting the days till it’s finally over. I have been a Grinch for so long, it’s magical I haven’t caused any chaos.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS FRIENDS
Thank you for reading!
Comment below how has the holidays been treating you?