As I began to contemplate what I would write about in this site, why I was making it and who it would it speak to. I wanted to write a blog but I didn’t believe that I had the capability of encompassing all the things that make my world spin. How organized should I be, what is appropriate to write about? Will my students, family, teachers, mentors see my flaws as I gracefully place them into the internet’s hands. The decision came to me after I realized how much validation I needed from the world if I was worthy of telling my story. A friend would say I should blog without me bringing it up. Like the universe was giving me a sign, providing me with more forms of encouragement. After my semester was finally done, I sat with this scary idea of showing up with this blog. The opportunities, challenges it will provide and whether or not I am prepared.
So I called my best friend, a person who wouldn’t lie to me and told her my plan, my dream, my desire to be heard. Sitting on my bed, staring at the floor hoping she picked up because I didn’t know when again this amount of courage will return. She picks up and I immediately give a disclaimer, “Don’t react okay! I am just going to say something and you tell me your opinion okay?” Knowing me she agrees, no questions asked. “I want to start blogging…so should I buy it or use the free service?”.
Honestly though it feels strange to open up my circle with one or six new people reading this but it is something that has been itching at me. But leading on to this day I have learned this about myself:
- Don’t doubt your ability until you have a reason to. I have turned down and dismissed so many opportunities that would have created an added growth for me. Understanding that will be a long way to being confident but it starts with trying.
- I found that I feed validation. Take it, I still try not to seek it. But as I work, study and party I waiting for others to notice it, notice me looking studious, fashionable and hard-working. This is a new state of self-awareness I will need to explore and improve, because a girl gotta live. Why make it a task to please others when saying fuck it will make my life so much happier.
- The answer is always in you. As cliche and tumblr as it sounds, I knew I wanted to write about the experiences and ideas I had. It was in my head to document my experiences because it shows the long way I came from to where I am today.
The only thing left to solidify my quest is to understand that I am living my own life, YOU ARE TOO HONEY. Creating your own script and creating your own path. Live it and learn to love it because it’s yours. But when you don’t, the world moves on, ask for help when you are stuck, do what makes life safe and healthy. But remember it all begins with you doing it for you. I am excited for this new journey and I thank you for joining me make this new discovery of the beauty I am holding back within myself. I am excited to love me, take care of me and live for me.
Thank you for reading. Comment below how you are discovering the better you?